OMGosh! Yesterday was a horrible horrible horrible day. Member’ me saying I started the day off irritated and ended it with being Peeved?? Well, that continued into a war of words that wasn’t so pretty. Actually it wasn’t exactly a war but an attack of words. Don’t you just hate it when someone completely misunderstands what you say? To make it worse…I was oblivious. I didn’t realize I hurt someone’s feelings so when I got the cold shoulder before leaving for work…I didn’t see it.
Then of course my frustrations with this new blog and it’s limitations of customization….
I arrive home from work…and BOOOM!!! World War III in my home. All the ammo was pulled out and the past (past wrongs) came flying at me with full speed. It was brutal and I walked away injured feeling like such a failure at life in general. It was kinda pathetic but reality does hurt. I did wrong and no denying that. Trust me when I say….I have faced the hard judgment in the last few months and the wrongs has been made clear. So, I’m kinda sensitive to having them pointed out. This attack left me wounded and I felt like the wrongs will always be the letter on my chest. Am I destined to be Hester Prynne forever?
I’ll admit, that I already beat myself up daily for the things that I’ve done. I realize that you are always alone. It’s always gonna be you and only you. Friends have disappeared and I’ve had to deal with the “cheese touch” phenomena. I am the piece of cheese…haha. I miss having friends to talk to. I miss being happy. It’s sad to see my attempts to make amends get thrown to the ground and stomped on. Yes, my day sucked!
So, it felt good when my five year son starts to love on me. I wonder if he senses when I need some loving. He comes up and says, “Momma” and nestles into bed next to me. He just keeps snuggling til there is absolutely no more room to be closer. He then kisses my cheek and smiles his cute smile then says, “I love you 3 million.” I smile as I wrapped my arms around him to tell him I love him 300 million. He says, “That’s a little bit.” I smile.