Slow progress.

“You’re one in a million. Which of course means there are over 6,000 people just like you”.

Who shall I give credit to for this quote? I have no idea but he or she is a brilliant person. I read an article today and it was one of those “Swift kick in the pants” deal. I surely needed to be reminded of a fact.

YOU ARE NOTHING UNIQUE!

 I was angry this morning because I wasn’t the center of the universe…translation? I wanted some attention but the other party was either otherwise engaged or just didn’t want to talk. I of course was smack dab in the middle of a narcissistic black hole; thinking all things should be dropped because I arrived,  I was at the top of the list, I am unique, and the list could go on. I guess I expected that my presence was supposed to have an affect but it did not and so I got angry.

“We are a nation fixated on the idea of being the exception to the rule, standing out, and being better than others—in other words, on being special and narcissistic—and we’re so surrounded by this ethos that we find it shocking that anyone would question it.”-Unknown

Then, I start to find myself in the “wallowing state”. I felt sad that I was rejected. I started to think stupid. You know what that is…thinking stupid. Thinking stupid is when your irrational thoughts make you appear insane because you are the creator of your own insanity. I found myself there. BUT, this time I realized that I was doing it. I stopped and picked myself up and started to turn outward. I focused on things outside myself and away from the individual. Walking away and leaving the situation.

Now, truth is…nope…I am not at the top of the list and I never was. I am nothing special and unique to warrant special treatment.

But, I am okay and I no longer will I place myself into the pit of despair because my own narcissism. It’s been a growing process of letting go and moving on and this is only another step in the process.  I’ve been able to accept the situation regardless of my need for clarity or answers and to move forward…for today. It has been a very slow process but one day I will be really okay with not wanting to be the center of his universe and I won’t be hurt about it any longer. One step at a time.

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