No plan “C”

I’ve always said…listen carefully to the music I’m listening to and you will know where I am (emotionally). The last few years these are the videos that I can honestly say are a reflection of my recent emotions. This is the progression, come join me on a walk.

1) Ah, that love thing…when you get caught up. The moment I let it get away from me. It’s the feeling of getting lost in an emotion. I jumped on the train way too fast.

2) Then, I started to think about you and didn’t lean so much on the emotion to sweep me up. Not to get lost in the emotion but really take a look. When I started to study you. When I wanted to get to know you.

3) Thinking how could this be possible? How did you find me? How did we find ourselves right here.

4) The addiction. Exhileration.  Headed towards destruction…that fast fall from everything I knew. Wanting so much more and wanting way too much.


6) Heartbreak warfare. Do I need to say more??  This is when I got the reality slap.

7) Complicated. I agree with her…makes me really really happy and really really sad. Happy because I had an experience that I will always remember and really sad because all I can do is continue with one foot in the front of the other.

8) Then that one last plea.

9) The realization, the relationship was so much more than a quick fix/addiction. At this moment hoping that I gave enough love and that you know that you are loved.

10) The storm I brewed within myself is coming to light. Learning that the storm only made me stronger in some small way. That the storm was a good thing. Coming out of it. Rain is finally ending.

11) Acceptance of the truths and learning to just let it all go. Quit trying so hard to hold on. Knowing and admitting that I got lost in someone and this is the truth of who you will always be.


We don’t have to miss each other, come over
We don’t have to fix each other, come over
We don’t have to say forever, come over
You don’t have to stay forever, come over- Kenny Chesney

There will always be this belief or disagreement of where my heart is. How much of my heart has let go of what has come to be known as the fairy tale syndrome (white horse and all).  WE can always disagree and you can lose one argument. In the light of my emotional roller coaster…I can honestly say, “there will be no plan C”.

Acceptance of it will be continuous battle but the good thing…I’m battling for acceptance. I’m not lost in the false sense of hope or the fairy tale ending. I’ve awaken from that dream. We don’t have to say forever.


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