How do you describe that tangled mess of thoughts and emotions?
Today, I worked on cause & effect with a couple of my students. Let me tell you…I had a really difficult time with the work today. I definitely need to complete my own cause & effect diagram. Mine would sure be an on-going mess of mistakes. First thing first let me just say…I AM FREAKIN JEALOUS!!! But I can’t say it because I’m a hypocrite! I hate that he goes on a date and I’m burning inside because I wonder if she saw him like I did….those amazing eyes looking back while he speaks. I usually watched his lips move and I thought about how much I wanted to kiss them. He has this charm about him that makes him super attractive. Mysterious. I hate that while we are talking I hear all the dinging of messages on his phone, IMs, and skype. I try to be sarcastic when I tell him that he is a popular man…his response wasn’t comforting. I cringed inside.
Yet, I can’t make that move…
…my words mean nothing anymore and that is a sad reality. He has every right to move on and I’m trying so hard to just hold on and hope that my actions aren’t ruining everything! Now how f***** does that sound? Even I think I’m a complete moron! At this moment I hate myself so much. I love him yet can’t get it together!