Last week, I was talking to a good friend of mine. She is the only person who knows my current situation and what has happened in the last few weeks. At this point I have had no desire to talk to my friends. I’ve noticed I have withdrawn from others and I prefer not to answer the question, “How are you?” I’m afraid all the raw emotions I’m holding onto will surface and come tumbling out. My friend did ask me how things are going and it was comforting to know she already knew the situation and no explanation needed.
I was telling her how difficult it has been when all those little things would trigger a memory or a thought of him. When I want to share all those little celebrations and I am met with silence. During our conversation I realized I had never felt so confident and beautiful in my life until he came along. I have never felt the need for someone so much before. His absence is so evident.
To be told that someone no longer WANTS you to be in their life is hard to hear but it give closure and it doesn’t leave me wondering. I have to remind myself of it when those beautiful memories come creeping up. I’m dealing with life without him.