What a day! I don’t know what to attribute my out of the ordinary tired and lazy demeanor lately. I think a part of it was just the emotions of what I guess we could call a “break up” but it was also due to some major changes to work. Those major changes had led to some real chaos in the work environment. General moral has plummeted and I think there are plenty of people wanting to jump ship. I’ve been frustrated at the lack of commitment to our students and ensuring learning is happening.
BUT, I think I’ve grieved the relationship enough and I’m tired of feeling like I lost the entire world. So yesterday I did my last cry session and finally decided to let it all go. No sense holding onto all the sadness anymore. I figured that over the years…I was real open about what I felt and I seriously meant all that came with the feelings and emotions. I can leave the relationship and know that he is well aware of my admiration for him. I may not say the same but it’s okay and I’ve made peace with it. When someone makes a decision to cut you out of their lives..it is that…a decision. I’m okay with that too. I can’t change it at this point THEREFORE I got it. Time to pick myself up and wipe these tears away…cuz I still have things to do! *this is like a pep talk* haha.
The next big thing to overcome? “The” exam. I have this exam coming up. I’ve failed it twice already and if I were to pass it this time…I have reached the top of the mountain. I will be at the highest level of licensure. I plan to make a job change after I get this one last thing and maybe this is what I need right now. I just feel like I’ve been stagnate in my job and with all the grumblings of my co-workers I really need to leave this place OR can actually make a move towards something else within the organization.