but just once in a lifetime

The other night I was flipping through the channels and the movie Bridges of Madison County was showing. I remember watching it when it first came out and back then it was just a movie. I was in college then and I don’t think I could have understood or connected with the movie back then. It didn’t give me the sense to watch it again.

I watched it. It made me cry.

With years and years of life I can now relate. Relate to those raw emotions. It all became present moments when he said, “I don’t want to need you, cause I can’t have you.” And then he had to say, “I will  say this once. I’ve never said it before. This kind of certainly comes but just once in a lifetime.”

I was in the middle of all the emotions cause it was real and I connected.

The scene when he is standing in the rain and she says, “For a moment I didn’t know where I was and for a split second the thought crossed my mind that he really didn’t want me and it was easy to walk away.” That thought crosses my mind often. It keeps me grounded to this life. A life of responsibilities. I have convinced myself that he can’t possibly feel what I feel and it is so easy for him to walk away. As I watched and she struggled with all those emotions. I wanted to yell….GO! Jump out of the truck!!!

At the end she talks about how he is a part of her every day in her thoughts. Even after years he is there with her. I can relate. I still fall asleep with fond memories and sometimes I still weep at the thought of a life separated. He still comes to me in memories that are triggered by daily activity…and I smile. It has been truly once in a lifetime that I’ve come alive as I did. That someone came and awoken me from a sleep that was numbing. That brought to life things within me that I thought were never there. Yes, only once in a lifetime.

“The old dreams were good dreams; they didn’t work out, but I’m glad I had them” -Robert Waller

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