“You’re one pathetic loser”

As I was typing the title I literally could hear my sons quote it. Haha. My sons can be completely hilarious together and come up with the craziest things to make me laugh. Soon, this type of dynamics in my family will change and I’ll be honest…I am already sad. To see one of your own grown up enough to want to make some decisions for themselves. Even decision I don’t really agree with… but they alone must make.

Why this specific title? Well, I am one pathetic loser…..

In the beginning of any conversation there is a sense of excitement getting to know someone. I remember feeling my heart race with the first conversation. At first sight of him I was shy and so scared of what he would think of me.

You see, I’ll admit that I am so self-conscious about myself that for years I struggled with some self image issues. I ¬†seriously never though of myself as beautiful. Never saw a feature on myself that I really liked. I’ve never been one to receive the attention from men. I’m quiet and not very outgoing in a new situation. It takes me awhile to examine a situation before I start to feel comfortable enough to put myself out there.

Our first meeting led to several long conversations. I always looked forward to our next conversation and soon enough we were spending a majority of our days together. I loved the feeling of knowing he wanted to spend his time with me. I wanted to spend it with him. I was happy. I didn’t have to look beautiful but I felt it.

I’m one pathetic loser because I don’t see that “look” in his eyes. To be honest he insults me more and more each day. I don’t feel beautiful anymore. Actually, I think it affects me more than I want it to. Time to take a step back to assess this situation.

I am beautiful. If you don’t treasure me and treat me as such.



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