Another day of driving. This new job has allowed me to drive and think. There is never a lack of thinking. Thoughts are my constant companion. Thinking and overthinking has always been my downfall. I tend to allow my mind to race without discipline; it has raced out of control and I often found myself deep in despair. It’s a sad fact, that I am finally willing to take responsibility for and admit out loud. I am the worst of all thinkers.
I’ve always loved reading quotes. I was able to find some real good blogs that have help me to begin this thing…I still don’t know what to call it…”Journey” doesn’t seem to give it justice. Vision quest is too corny. Search just makes it sound like I’m completely lost (which I believe to be untrue). So, it remain nameless. Which is probably a great thing since I have a difficult time leaving things undefined or named. So maybe this is some progress? *I had to chuckle*
Anyway, back to the quotes and blogs. I found one blog a few years ago but really didn’t dive into the content until today. I never read about the author himself and today I did. WOW! His brutal and honest self assessment of himself. As i was reading his long, raw, confessions about himself the man…five words is what impacted me the most.
“My goal was to smile.” -E. Sanders
It’s odd how these words slapped me in the face because today as I was driving I literally thought about my smile. Let me explain.
First, I believe my best feature…my lips. Therefore, I love playing them up. I literally have about 40-50 tubes of lipstick in my make-up drawer. Today, I put on “Cinnamon Spice” which is this beautiful shade of red. I am driving along with my dark sun glasses and an amazing lip color. I was passing a person on the freeway they took a glance at me in their side mirror. I could see them looking at me. I was stoic. At that moment I wondered why I didn’t crack a smile. At least to say “Hello, have a great day!” with my smile. I’ve been often told that I look mean and unapproachable. I really don’t mean to “look” this way. I just don’t know smile often. It takes work and it’s exhausting when it’s forced.